BackWho you’re talking to dictates what you say. Review our Communication Styles if you haven’t already. And remember: These examples show communication skills, and do not indicate correct or incorrect viewpoints.
Choose the Communication style of the person you’re speaking to:
If you hear them say…
“Do you think people of color are making it up when they say they are harassed by the police?”
👍 Try this…
“I’m saying that police are called into very difficult situations. I agree that a minority screw up, but police in my family do their job well.”
- Clarify your viewpoint in a non-defensive way.
👎 Avoid this…
“I didn’t mention race at all. Why are you putting words in my mouth?”
- Defenders don’t respond well to defensiveness. Clarify where you stand.
If you hear them say…
"So you’re saying you don’t want there to be any police officers at all?"
👍 Try this…
“It sounds like you think I believe changing policing requires getting rid of law enforcement. For me, it’s about better policing, not no policing, and that might mean police stop doing some things that others can do better.”
- Acknowledge where they’re coming from, and clarify your views.
👎 Avoid this…
“I have no idea why you asked that question.”
- Defensiveness breeds defensiveness. Instead, point out the complexity of the topic as you see it.
If you hear them say…
“Why do you think everyone who supports the police is racist?”
👍 Try this…
“Whoa! Let’s slow down. What I am saying is that I feel the current policing system perpetuates inequalities that I’m not comfortable with. People can disagree with me about this without being racist.”
- Offer some context for your viewpoint.
👎 Avoid this…
“I never said that! Stop distorting my views.”
- Things will escalate if you get defensive with a Defender. Stay calm and clarify your thoughts.
Additional communication styles...